Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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