i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
