Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
