I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
