i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sarcasm needs its own font
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
