Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
