I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
