What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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