Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize