I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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