All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
