I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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