My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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