I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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