When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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