I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
