She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
