No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
