I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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