Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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