ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
