Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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