Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
