Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
