I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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