if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
