Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
