PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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