he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
