tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
