those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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