i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
