you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
