can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
