3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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