whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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