im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
