my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
