Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
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