i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
