everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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