i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
