Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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