i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
