sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Two words: blizzard sex
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize