seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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