Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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