if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
