Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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