He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
