How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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