I love black thongs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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