it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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