I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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