guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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