Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
