Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
