tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
