He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
