fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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