dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
