I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
