just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
