Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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