I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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