Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
